Rambling

I've been really tired lately. This last quarter of school has been one that I really have wanted to leave in good spirits- you know. I have really wanted to make my friends smile, and spend the days having fun. Unfortunately, I feel more like I have been pushing my friends away. All of the girls I usually hang with seem to be further and further away. More than usual. I found out today why I am so far away. I am an easy person to make fun of, and I really have fun telling jokes about myself, but sometimes they hurt. I have been hiding it for four years, but the constant jabs and sticks have worn me down. I wish I could be the bigger person but sometimes I just get frustrated that all of the tear downs are focused on me. I work so hard for some people and it feels that all they can do is make fun of me, offer me ways of doing it better, or laugh. I feel like I am complaining, but the truth feels so much better when it is rationalized. I don't really know how to talk to these people. They are my friends and I feel like it should be really easy, but when I feel so alone it is hard to feel like I can talk to anyone. I don't want to be the girl that everyone feels like they need to tread softly around but the constant stomping has finally flattened me.

Where am I supposed to go from here.
Alone in the world and saddened by my presence,
There's no one around.
The world is becoming vast,
To big for my small presence,
Where do I go from here.
I'm lost and friendless,
No one to hold onto,
Here I go, walking alone.

Now I feel like the real emo kid, sitting in my room righting poetry and writing about the hard times in my life. Goodness. Life really isn't that hard though. Other then that everything seems to be turning in good circles.

Swinging on swings,
Higher and higher,
Push to the heavens,
Land on a star,
And soar the galaxy.

Have you ever wished for a superpower?- I've always wanted to be able to fly. Would that be the coolest thing ever? I would be able to fly high and see the world from and angle no one ever has before. The wind beneath my wings, and the clouds trailing me. If I could fly, the first thing I would do would be to race the clouds. I've wanted to know what a cloud feels like. Sitting in one?- is it fluffy like a cotton ball or wet like a wet... uh... cotton ball (LOL I can't think of a better word.)

Stretching Beyond the Bounds of our Education

I've always wondered why people feel, when they are younger that they can do anything and as they reach an older age, that sense of superhero abilities seems to fade. Maybe it is the world view cynic in me, but I think has something to do with the world's impression on our lives. It is as if we are students learning the ways of the world, but the world wants us to think that it is not possible for us to be great, amazing, interesting people with the ability to change the world. I believe that every child can lead an army against anything and it is only when we are told we can't do something that it comes into our minds that maybe there are things we are not capable of doing. It makes me think of Finding Nemo. Marlon keeps trying to protect Nemo from the horrors of the world, but by doing so he makes Nemo feel over protected. Through out the movie Marlon finds himself saying things like "you can't, you just can't," and other such words to extinguish the thoughts of greatness in Nemo's mind. Nemo gets that instilled in his mind and when he is in the tank, getting sucked into the propeller, he says he can't because of his fin, and only someone who is cut off from the greatness of the world- the true extraordinary expanse that it is, an tell Nemo that he can do anything. It is almost as if we have to be taken out of the world to truly understand how we can succeed in it. Every human has the ability to do great things, it is just weather we chose to use those abilities or not.